


When the Past Comes Knocking

by ro_shepard



Series: The Misadventures of Rosario Shepard [8]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Bro talk, Complex Drell/Human Liaisons, F/M, Hallucinations, I Love You, Intoxication, No Shepard without Vakarian, Oral Contact, Past Relationship(s), Sexy Times, Side Effects, Unrequited Love, repressed feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:22:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ro_shepard/pseuds/ro_shepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard reacts impulsively after receiving a message from Kaidan Alenko, post Horizon. Thane, Mordin, and Garrus assist with the aftermath. In addition, Thane and Shepard finally confess their unspoken feelings.</p><p>Note to Kaidan fans: In my work, at least until I decide if I'll ever write about the third game,  Kaidan's world is full of unrequited love. I won't treat him too terribly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Shepard stared at the message in disbelief.

_Shepard, I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon._

Kaidan.

That chapter had been closed.

_That night meant everything to me._

That night.

Ilos.

Shepard frowned.

During her Alliance tenure, she had never entered a romantic relationship with anyone. Soldiers and love didn't exactly mix. It made things... complicated. Kaidan had been complicated. She had cared for the lieutenant, yes, she still did care for him, but she hadn't loved him. But, he had loved her. He still did - he said so on Horizon.

_I love you. Thinking you were dead tore me a part._

Their fight on Horizon had been oddly freeing. It did hurt to lose a friend, to be accused of being a traitor, to have been met with such disgust, but to be free of that romantic ambiguity...

Shepard's eyes drifted over the words.

_I couldn't bear it if I lost you again._

She shook her head. She didn't need this - not now. Not with the Collectors and the Reapers. Not with Thane. _Thane_. Shepard closed her eyes and placed her palms on her desk. She felt differently for Thane than she had with Kaidan. She felt... more. The assassin had captivated her body and her mind in ways that she hadn't known possible. She trusted him emotionally and, while that was new territory for her, she was enjoying the journey with him. Her eyes shifted upward again.

_When things settle down a little...maybe..._

Shepard closed the message and headed for the door.

* * *

"Heh, I don't know how you did it, Krios, bagging a woman like the commander," Zaeed said, eyeing the assassin over the rim of his glass. "I mean, no offense, but you're a preachy fellow and Shepard doesn't really seem like the religious type."

Thane held his tea and studied the veteran merc carefully. Zaeed Massani was not someone with whom he enjoyed conversing. Thane was civil with Massani, but, personality-wise, there were others on board the Normandy whose company and conversation he would have preferred. The veteran simply lacked class and civility. He was also a ticking time-bomb, hell-bent on revenge.

"Krios, man, you got to spill it. Shepard is so _raw_ out on the field. She doesn't take much shit, if any," Zaeed gave the drell an interested look, "but what is she like, you know, in the sack?"

Thane rose both eyeridges in shock, not quite believing what he had just heard. The merc's ineptness with social boundaries was astounding.

"I imagine that she just... let's loose, you know? Dealing with all this bloody Cerberus bullshit. Shepard's probably all wild and eager. Heh. Is that the case, Krios? Between you and me of course."

Thane took a moment to carefully gather a response. Had the merc not been a personal recruit of Shepard's, Thane would have handled the situation a little more... directly. But on board the Normandy, and for the sake of the whole mission, Thane decided that he would remain respectful of the commander's alliances.

"Massani," Thane began, his voice even, but firm, "I would not disclose any personal information about the commander to you or anyone else." Thane's annoyance was getting the better of him, "the fact that you would even have the audacity to -"

"Thane! There you are!" Shepard exclaimed, rounding the corner from the elevator.

Thane's eyes shot up from the veteran to his siha. She was frazzled - something was bothering her.

"I need to talk to you," Shepard stated. She looked toward the merc, "Excuse us Zaeed," she said, grabbing the drell's hand and pulling him out of his seat, pulling him away.

Thane didn't argue for two reasons. One, he was getting out of a soon-to-have-escalated conversation with the old merc. Two, Shepard was agitated and one knew better than to press or deny the commander when she was fired up about something.

"Heh, Commander," Massani acknowledged, casting an amused look. For all his years and experiences, he'd never understand what a woman like Commander Shepard could see and such a lanky, reserved fellow. The universe was a strange place. 

"Siha, what is it?" Thane asked as he was pulled into his life support station. He heard Shepard activate the locks behind them. Thane opened his mouth to speak again, but was silenced as Shepard's lips pressed urgently against his own. The kiss was _different_. Still nice - he enjoyed her aggression, but this instance was...

"Shepard are you intoxicated?" Thane asked, as he held the eager woman by her shoulders.

Shepard cocked an eyebrow, her dark eyes twinkling with unfamiliar mischief. She grabbed hold of the drell's arms and pivoted, bringing the unsuspecting assassin to the ground. She straddled his waist.

"I'm not intoxicated. I'm fully aware of what I'm doing." The commander's hands began to fiddle with the buckles of Thane's vest.

"And, what are you doing?" Thane asked. He felt the zipper of his vest being lowered and soon, his torso was bared to her anxious hands. He savored the soft caress of her fingers, her touch, her... She moved desperately, almost enough to cause him to worry, but the feel of her soft lips pressed against his own was too distracting.

"I'm pleasing you, Thane, my handsome drell assassin," Shepard purred against luscious green lips. She trailed her tongue down his jaw and licked at the sensitive frills of his neck. She slid a hand down his chest while her mouth continued to solicit soft rumbles of delight.

Shepard soon found evidence of his growing arousal. She cupped him through the leather material and received a sultry grown in return.

There was something incredibly arousing to Shepard about her power over the deadly assassin, and, quite equally, his power over her. The level of intimate trust they shared with each other was something that the commander had never experienced with anyone else, not even Kaidan. She needed Thane. In the chaos of Cerberus, the Collectors, and the Reapers, Shepard found comfort and serenity in the drell's company. Their growing relationship had unveiled a hunger, a pleasure, a selfish want and need that Shepard continually yearned to experience. She moved a hand to unfasten his pants and slipped her fingers inside.

Thane's eyes fluttered before closing completely, focusing on his siha's  ministrations. Her lips were still teasing his jaw line, his neck, her breath was warm against his flesh. He tried to follow her in his mind, the feel of her small hand stroking his length made everything around him disappear. There was only Shepard, his siha, and their intimacy. He hummed with pleasure as her lips drifted lower, tending to his chest and torso. He knew she admired his form, as he admired hers.

Thane clenched his teeth as she freed him from his pants stroking him with a full range of motion. Whatever prompted his siha's need for him was a distant concern at the moment. While he knew that neither he nor Shepard had any more reservations about their desire for each other, this was desperation. He is becoming lost to her touch, but the warm, wet sensation of soft lips around the tip of his cock brought him back to reality. She was taking him in - orally - without his wine, without a buffer. She would be fully exposed to him. The salarian doctor had warned of hallucinogenic properties.

Thane's eyes shot open and he struggled to sit up, "Siha..." He found it difficult to speak as she took more of him inside her mouth. Thane groaned and leaned his head back, "Shepard, you shouldn't."

Shepard was entranced by the drell's euphoric reaction to her attentions. Thane had always carefully guarded her from unprotected oral contact with him, only allowing her to taste him under the influence of his specially procured wine. And, even with precautions, he never came in her mouth.

Shepard wanted to savor her him - truly. She wanted to experience him, as he was, unhindered. Her tongue lavished over his length and she moaned teasingly, enjoying his unique flavor. He tasted of the earth and the sea - fitting. Everything that Shepard had experienced about the assassin was fitting. Her lips were around him again and she was rewarded with breathless praise, despite the drell'ss attempts to continue his concerns.

"By the gods..." Thane breathed in  appreciation. He met her eyes briefly, her dark eyes shone with attentiveness, self-satisfaction. He was getting close. He wondered if she would allow him to take her, to return the pleasure he had unyieldingly been relishing. He reached for her and she batted his hand away, giving a dark look.

"Shepard," Thane choked out, "I... gods," he groaned, his climax within reach. He tried to move away, but the commander's grip was dominant and firm. Thane shouted his release, his orgasm vibrating throughout his slender form. It took everything he had to control the expulsion of his biotic energy.

Thane's essence was sweet, Shepard discovered, like the nectar of an exotic fruit. She sat up onto her knees and smiled that the assassin who appeared more ...vivid. She watched as he reached out to her, her world suddenly a bunch of hazed colors and sharpened sounds. She felt dazed, yet, heightened as her senses rapidly processed all the stimuli around her.

"Thane?" Shepard asked, her voice seemingly echoing in the small room. A hand slipped through her thick hair. The sensation sending a tingle of electricity down her spine.

"Siha, you're all right. You're just..."

"It's so hot in here," Shepard sighed. She reach for the zipper of her tunic, but was stopped by a firm grip.

"Siha, perhaps we should visit Dr. Solus."

Shepard looked up at the drell with wide, curious eyes.

"You are so..." She reached a small hand to caress the frills of his cheek, "so damn sexy. We should, we should fuck, but he's watching."

Thane frowned, "Who is watching, Shepard?"

Shepard shook her head, "No. Ka- I'm sorry!"

Thane hurriedly fixed his clothing and retrieved a small cloth from his table.

"Shepard," he whispered encouragingly, cleaning her face and pulling her up to her feet, "come with me."

* * *

 

Mordin fidgeted with his omni tool as he ran tests over the commander. "Raised levels of dopamine, adrenaline, accelerated heart rate,  increased perspiration. Oral contact with you, Thane?"

There was no cause for embarrassment, Thane resolved. The salarian was a medical doctor and strangely well-versed in the effects of interspecies liaisons.

"Yes."

"I advised both of you about potential side effects. Have ointments, medications. Human tolerance to oral contact with drell semen is unknown. Will provide higher dosage of inhibitors to combat potency."

"This is the first full exposure. I used a drell wine to curb some of the effects."

"Vik'ra. Yes. Acceptable for mild exposure. But this, too much for human physiology," Mordin replied.

"Mordin," Shepard had been relatively quiet in the lab, fascinated by all of the salarian's experiments. "I'm not going to stop." She walked over to Thane and placed her hand on his ass. "He's too much fun. We work so well together!"

The salarian closed his eyes and shook his head, "Forgot. Mild intoxication. Here," he said, handing the drell a vial of medication, "if you two are going to continue, must insist on prescription regiment. Can't risk incapacitated leadership."

Thane nodded, "I agree, Doctor."

"Good. Hallucinations will wear off,  intoxication symptoms will linger. Shepard will become emotional. Ability to filter, compromised. Eventually, will sleep off remaining effects. Recommend taking the commander to her quarters."

"I will, Doctor. I... I apologize for this recklessness. It will not happen again."

Shepard laughed, "Oh yes it will! You were delicious! Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that, Thane!" She laughed playfully.

Mordin ignore the comment, "I understand stress needs release. Enjoy yourself - just be mindful."

"Thank you, Dr. Solus," Thane bowed his head and placed a guiding arm across Shepard's back. 

"Siha, why don't we go to your quarters? Some rest would do you well."

"You don't have to hide it, Thane," Shepard  giggled. "Mordin already knows we're screwing each other."


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard was fascinated by the passing fluorescent green and purple streaks of stars as she looked up through the window above her bed. The aura around the Normandy as it traveled steadily through space was  especially magnificent, now being seen under enhancing drell psychedelics.

"How are you feeling, Siha?" Thane asked from the edge of the bed. He had sat with her for the past thirty minutes after finally coaxing her to take the pills Mordin had prescribed. Thane had not anticipated the resistance he encountered.  Apparently, the commander despised pills.

Shepard sighed, "The hallucinations are subsiding. I still feel..." Her thoughts drifted, "There's too much going through my mind. I can't stop thinking about it all." She sat up and folded her legs.

"I am always here to listen, Siha, should you wish to talk." Thane moved closer and put a hand on her leg, giving her a reassuring squeeze. "What's on your mind?"

Shepard rubbed her shoulder nervously. She had been feeling every hidden emotion all at once - anxiety over being a hero, fear over losing more friends, sadness and guilt over Ashley, the worry of letting Anderson down, hurt and confusion over Kaidan, love... unspoken love for Thane.

Shepard did love the assassin, in her heart she knew that was true. But, she was scared to tell him - to make it real. Somehow the reserved, spiritual, graceful assassin had made a claim on her heart and she on his. She knew that to be true as well, though the assassin had never spoken those words aloud - at least not to her. Shepard knew he was being cautious of her apprehension of a formal relationship. Considerate. He was always so considerate. She blinked and a single tear slid down her cheek.

Then, she laughed.

"Shepard?"

More laughter.

"Shepard?" Thane repeated. 

"Kolyat doesn't like me, does he?"

Thane blinked in confusion. "He... is unsure of the full nature of our arrangement."

"I'd never replace her, Thane. Irikah. I would never want to."

More tears cascaded down her round face and Thane lifted a single finger wipe them away.

"Shepard, it is possible to have more than one love in a lifetime. We've talked about this. I would not want you to replace Irikah. I would only have you be you, unapologetically." His thumb brushed over her lips and he kissed her gently. "For now, let me be concerned about Kolyat. I'm sure with time, he will grow to accept your importance to me... and like you." He smiled his small, enigmatic smile, the one that he knew she adored so much.

There was a ping at the Shepard's door.

"Garrus is requesting entry, Shepard," EDI announced, " do you wish to allow it?"

"Yes, Garrus may come in," Shepard replied.

The door controls unlocked and Garrus Vakarian entered the loft, "Shepard, you missed our briefing about -"

He stopped mid-sentence, noting Shepard sitting on her bed with the drell sitting by her side.

"Uh, is this a bad time?"

Shepard looked pleadingly at her turian friend, her eyes pooling with uncontrollable tears again. "Oh, Garrus!" The buried words, reserved for a more private conversation poured out from her, "Kaidan he... he contacted me. He apologized for Horizon. I... think he still loves me!"

Garrus' mandibles clicked with surprise and he quickly looked toward Thane. The drell's expression was unchanged. 

"I can't do this, Shepard exclaimed suddenly. "I can't be all things to all people! I can't be everyone's savior! I know Cerberus is sketchy but, I'm not a traitor! How could he have said that to me? After what we all went through? After Ash?"

Garrus move closer toward his friend, "Shepard, I don't envy you. I don't think any sane person would. Kaidan was an ass on Horizon, but right now, _we_  are here to help you fight the Collectors. Let's just take things one day at a time and leave the past in the past. We need you focused on kicking some Collector ass. _I_ need you focused. There's no Shepard without Vakarian and there's no Vakarian without Shepard."

Their code of honor. Their words of fraternal bond since Saren.

Garrus placed a hand on the woman's shoulder. It didn't matter if Thane was there, his friendship with Shepard was nothing to hide or cast aside. They had been through too much. His crystal blue eyes watched as she patted his hand, a slow smile spread across her face. He would always be there to pull her from the depths of her past.

"Thank you, Garrus," Shepard whispered. She blinked, her eyelids heavy.

"Siha, you need to rest. Dr. Solus said that the medication could make you drowsy until you build up some tolerance," Thane advised.

Shepard leaned forward and kissed the drell on his cheek. Her lips lingered, "Stay with me?"

"Of course," Thane returned.

Shepard laid her head down on a pillow and was out within minutes.

Garrus nodded his head toward the loft and quietly whispered when they were out of range, "Krios, what the hell was that?" He crossed his arms as he leaned against Shepard's desk.

"There were... unexpected side effects from exposure," Thane struggled to explain.

"Exposure from what?"

"From... me. There was oral contact. Uninhibited."

"What? I thought you two had been, ya know, for a while now?"

Thane blinked both sets of eyelids, unsure of what to say.

"You know what," Garrus cut in, waving a talon in the air, "nevermind. I don't want to know. Just make sure _that_  doesn't happen again!" He pointed toward Shepard.

Thane nodded silently and Garrus relaxed.

"Garrus?"

Thane had debated on asking the turian about the name Shepard had mentioned. Her past was her own and, while he had freely spoken to her about his ghosts, Thane realized that Shepard had continued to keep many of hers hidden. He knew that Shepard had mentioned one other attempt at a relationship before - now he had a name.

"Lt. Alenko. Kaidan Alenko, one of the other humans that you and Shepard served with... he was on Horizon?"

"Yes," Garrus answered.

"You were there as well?"

"I was."

"I take it the reunion with the lieutenant did not go well?"

Garrus shook his head, "Let's just say that after that first Collectors fight and then putting up with Alenko's bullshit... it's a wonder he made it off planet."

"He loved her?"

Garrus looked over the drell's face. He could never read those dark, black holes for eyes. He nodded.

"I see," Thane replied.

Garrus stood up straight, "This is not my story to tell, Krios. Alenko screwed up. Big time. I never really cared for the guy anyway, at least in regards to Shepard. He was insistent on his feelings for her. Rather uncomfortable for us all. She just... she tried not to hurt him. You're good for her, Krios... normally," Garrus said, trying to lighten the mood, as usual, with his dry sense of humor.

Thane appreciated the gesture and the compliment.

"Send me a message if you need me. I've got some calibrating to do on the thanix," Garrus said, heading for the door. "Take care of her, Krios."

Thane inclined his head, "Vakarian." He watched as the turian departed before addressing the ship's AI.

"EDI, could you please allow the commander four hours?" Thane asked.

"Of course, I will let Operative Lawson know," she replied.

"My thanks," Thane said as he headed down the stairs. He slipped carefully next to Shepard, curling behind her. He nuzzled her dark hair while she slept.

Thane would never try to cage the commander, but he was curious as to why she had never opened up about the human male. She had always been vague, but clearly she hurt. Did his siha still care, in some fashion, for this Alenko? Yes. That was obvious from her display and now, it was known that the lieutenant still care for her, but not enough to fight by her side. He closed his eyes as he draped a long arm over Shepard's waist. 

* * *

 

Shepard awoke on her stomach and groaned. She felt groggy, like her mind was trying to break through a thick fog. A drell-induced fog. Oh. _Heh._ She laughed quietly. Mordin had warned her about the complexities and Thane had tried to deter her. She laughed again. She was a stubborn thing.

"Siha?" Thane's voice purred. "Are you... how do you feel?"

Shepard rolled onto her back and stretched, "A little groggy, a little embarrassed, but otherwise good." She smiled at him, "Thank you for staying."

Thane's lips tugged upward, "Of course. Now, this will not occur again."

"Oh, I will taste you again and make you hiss and groan and succumb to my _talents_. But, I will take the medication. I don't... I don't want to be that exposed again." She lowered her eyes, "Sorry for the trouble, Thane."

"I think Garrus was the one who was truly terrified."

Shepard groaned again.

"How much do you remember, Siha?"

"Most of it."

"Do you recall being upset about Kolyat?"

The commander nodded.

"Perhaps the next time we're docked on the Citadel, we could all share a meal. We all can become more acquainted."

Shepard nodded again, "Aright. If you think that's a good idea."

"I'd been considering that anyway, Siha. Kolyat is in my life now, as are you, you both should be aware of and get to know each other," Thane said, his eyes blinked rapidly as if he were trying to curtail the emergence of a memory.

"Have you told him about us?" Shepard inquired.

Thane raised an  eyeridge, "What about us?" He wanted to hear her point of view about their relationship.

"That we're together?"

"Are we?" Thane volleyed back. "Are you ready to make that claim, Siha?" His dark eyes search over her face and noted the moment of realization, of the weight his question.

Shepard looked up at the lone assassin, her friend, her... lover. "I am."

"And, Kaidan Alenko?"

Shepard blinked at the name. "Kaidan and I... that was a long time ago, and I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. I can't be now. How did this come up?"

"You mentioned him in your impaired state. That he had recently contacted you and that you suspected that he may still love you." The drell's face was neutral.

Shepard propped up onto her side, "Thane, I, I'm..."

"There's no need to defend anything, Shepard, even if you did or do still have feelings for him. I will continue to fight by your side, to serve as your arm, to protect you in this mission. Your friendship, your... attentions have all been bonuses. As has been my growing love for you." Thane stroked her cheek with a finger. "I love you, Shepard. I could understand how and why an old lover would continue to do so. You are ...remarkable." He gave his familiar, small smile. 

Shepard sat up. He had said them - the words that, from _his_ sweet lips, resonated to her very core. She looked into his eyes, green and black, windows full of memories that would be remembered forever. She drifted over his face, his handsome face, and lingered on his lips that had just confessed so sweetly.

"God, I love you," she said, crawling into his arms. She kissed him, her lips moving in  devotion, expressing the full nature of her true feelings for him. He called her his siha, his redeeming angel. Did he know just how much he was saving her as well? Teaching her how to love and how to be loved in return?

After a blur of limbs and clothing, they were naked, their hands desperately exploring, their lips sucking, kissing, worshipping. Thane guided Shepard over his legs to straddle him as he leaned back against the pillows. His fingers slid along the woman's outer thighs. He watched as she took hold of his cock and carefully guided him inside of her warmth. He rumbled deep in his chest and bucked his hips, hilting himself fully.

Shepard grinned teasingly and placed her hands on to his stomach. She swirled her hips, riding him, relishing him. Thane gladly returned her fervor.

* * *

It was it was the ping of Shepard's omni tool that broke the lovers lull - her alarm.

"I'm meeting with Samara today. She said it was urgent for her justicar duties."

"Hmm," Thane pondered aloud. "I wonder if she's located her target?" he asked, stroking his siha's bare shoulder.

"I guess I'll find out," Shepard said, fiddling  with her omni tool a bit more. She closed the display. "I'm glad that we had a chance to clear the air, Thane."

Thane kissed the tip of her nose, "I'm glad that we talked as well, Shepard."

"Now, I definitely want Kolyat to like me."

Thane gave her a comforting squeeze.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
